Talking to Your Family About Trump

On December 11th, 2016, I posted this to Facebook:

White allies, I’m calling on you!

I don’t feel equipped to advise my white friends on how to talk about Trump with their families this holiday season. Comment with any resources I can pass on.

Here are some of the responses.

Here’s a good few pages outlining how to talk to loved ones about Donald Trump (google doc):

“So you love someone who voted for Donald Trump. What are you going to do now? You might be hearing, especially if you’re white, a lot of calls for you to “come get your people” and do your part in making change in the communities you have access to. But how?”

And some words from a civil rights lawyer and activist…

My short tip would be two components. Talk socratically using mostly questions. Force them to answer. If you tell them facts, they will not listen, not answer, and just say back their own facts. Then you’re shouting past each other. Ask them clear and simple questions. One I have to do a lot is “won’t we create more terrorists by turning refugees away?”

Second, debating with a trump supporter is a constantly moving target. They change the subject especially when cornered and say outrageous things to get a rise out of you. Put on blinders, ignore the hurtful or racist spew, and reassert your question on the original subject. Ignore personal attacks. They will call you stupid. Don’t bring up where you went to college. Because now the conversation is about your intelligence, not the subject. Stay calm. Ignore what they say about you personally. Godspeed.

You can just do a lot more with questions than with statements. First, re-ask the question a different way. Then point out they didn’t answer your question and ask it again. Then ask it in its simplest form, a yes or no. The most angry person will still feel weird about not answering by then. It forces someone to actually participate instead of just vomiting talking points. Old lawyer tricks.

Obv this is advice for white folks. I wouldn’t ask a poc to keep debating calmly past a wall of racist shit.”

And some more great advice…

My advice would be to share personal stories about people close to them who have experienced violence or fear based on Trump’s rhetoric. Remind them that they are protected because of their whiteness, but that isn’t the case for a lot of people. Use pathos and personal stories. The more personal it is, the better it will go.

And a few effective ways to convince people not to vote for Trump (article):

“This is a blog a friend of mine wrote. It was more relevant before the election in that it’s about convincing people not to vote for him. But I still think there are a lot of good resources in there.”

There are real ways to reduce racial bias. Calling people racist isn’t one of them. (article)
Another friend of mine says, “taking a radical approach works for me.”

Forreal though. The first thing they always say is “hillary’s corrupt”, and so if you enthusiastically agree with that, you take a big piece of ground out from under them and can get into why socialism works and how racial resentment is a tool of corporate control. “I agree the system is broken, but you’re being tricked into a false solution.”

I used the “the clintons and trumps are personal friends” line a number of times in the last few months.

These conversations are tricky, and often get “in the weeds” fast. “White people for racial justice” has put together a discussion guide that gives some more substantial talking points for those tough conversations, as well as some questions you can ask to elicit feedback and avoid conversational shut-downs. Click here for the discussion guide!
Some evidence that Trump sucks that might be helpful, here. (google doc)
Trevor Noah has some wonderful tidbits (video)

“You don’t argue with the toddler if you want to win,” Noah said. “Just keep asking the toddler to elaborate, because logic is the downfall of every toddler.

It can be hard to talk to old hippies too, you’re not alone:

What I found at Thanksgiving was that a lot of people were unclear about what trump stands for, and that terrified them. I put on my polisci hat and explained that he is a nationalist, and I went over all the areas of policy that he is likely to have an impact on. I did feel woefully unprepared to talk about trump and race though…But my table was full of Austin liberal hippy boomers so…a very homogeneous group

If they are cooperative or supremely confident in their own perspective, they would be likely willing to sit down and fact check with you, which can be a mutually beneficial process.

Being able to research the topic together so that both parties feel equally informed has been working well in my family. Importantly, both groups should be able to agree on the importance of first person perspectives on issues as well as using multiple sources to form unbiased opinions.

This method might not be applicable to some issues, especially moral contestations, but in my family people tend to say things that are factually wrong and therefore can be easily sorted out by research. Also likely won’t work for people that are admittedly racist, but seems to do work for supposedly “open minded liberals” or confident republicans. Sick of discussing a certain topic with a family member or friend and they would be willing to discuss with a third party? I would love to help. Skype me, and we can all “talk facts.”